ambien!

I want some!!! Can't you mail me a package of cookies that have a bunch of ambien in them, Molly?!?!

I never sleep and last night the thunder shook the house all night. But here's a horrifying story:

I caught one of my blind man's dogs masturbating last week. She had disappeared like she sometimes does (and I never notice), and when I went into blindo's room to get something, there she was on the bed, violently humping the shit out of a pillow. VIOLENTLY. Her head was slightly tucked under her, and she was thrusting, making these sickening breathing sounds. And it totally smelled like dog sex. Wtf.

I actually stopped dead and just stared, wondering what to do. She didn't notice for a few seconds, and when she did, she was VISIBLY EMBARRASSED. She stopped and didn't know what to do with herself. Now I look at her differently.

I fully caught a dog masturbating. FML.