Lost in Illinois, The Cone Game

It is not a solo project, ahem, Molly. I am just retarded. It's that simple!

I am sitting in Effingham, Illinois. Effingham. If you pronounce like the the British pronounce their -ham cities, you are definitely saying "effing 'em" and I like that. Eff 'em in Effingham. I ate munch at the Steak n' Shake, who makes the skinniest french fries I've ever seen and I loved them.

And I watched Lost. So of course I am happy-ish.

So far this tour has been nothing along the lines of rad. I have drank much less than ever before, have smoked slightly less cigarettes, and have eaten much crap. Also the shows are sucking. Who cares, it's freezing outside and our bus has no heat, what am I complaining about? Two weeks left.

So Molly had her ProjectMysterio. We had nothing much of mystery in high school or after. I am jealous of your fun. The only stupid thing that lasted long enough that I was involved in, was the stealing and housing of construction site items. Mostly we stole cones, but graduated to sandwich board road blocks (with blinking lights for extra points), blueprints left at construction sites (big find at my high school, when they were remodeling - of course this was years after graduation) and really any other city property easily jacked. We were to keep them at our own houses and tabulate points based on the item and from where it was nabbed.

I remember when finally one day my mom opened the side gate of our house to discover a massive pile of cones and other road objects sitting there. It was indeed a bad afternoon. I lost the contest, needless to say.

I believe a summit needs to occur between the Molly and the Meagan. Soon enough.

Project Mysterio

I'm beginning to think this blog is a solo project... Ahem (Meagan)

It is time I told you about Project Mysterio... Are you ready? I went to high school in one of the safest cities in the nation. It was a rather boring place to spend my rebellious teen years. One evening my pal Christopher Patterson told me an amazing story...

Chris's girlfriend (now wife), Laura, was dropping him off at his parent's house. They sat in their car chatting outside the house for a bit before Chris went inside. It was almost 1am. They were interrupted when a car came speeding up the residential street around 50mph with its hazard lights flashing and high beams lighting up the road. The speeding car made a quick u-turn, threw something out the passenger window, and sped off into the distance. Chris and Laura were alarmed. This was a quiet safe neighborhood... Who could that mysterious man be and what did he throw out the window!? Chris decided to investigate. He approached the item slowly. He burst out in laughter. It was a Wall Street Journal!

Chris and Laura experienced this same event a few more times the following week. Who was this crazed paper boy? Why was he speeding up the street in the middle of the night like a madman!?

A few months had past and Chris hadn't seen the paper boy. He had almost forgotten about his existence. Then it happened. Chris was outside late with his best friend Joey when a car came barreling down the road. Chris and Joey decided to follow this mysterious paper boy in their car to see what he was all about. They quickly lost him. Chris and Joey decided to experiment. What would happen if they changed up the paper boy's perfectly planned routine!? They had to know.

The next night Chris and Joey armed with foam batacas and masks decided to wait for the mysterious paper boy. They hoped he would stop for a brief moment so they could inquire as to why he drove the way he did and how he achieved such a level of mystery. Joey and Chris hid in the bushes awaiting Mysterio's arrival. Once the madman came charging up the street and did his u-turn the boys did shoulder rolls into the road and started waving the foam bats around erratically making noises. Mysterio did not stop. In fact he stepped on the gas and speed right for the boys. They jumped out of the way. Wondereding to themselves, Why did he not stop? Neither Chris nor Joey caught a glimpse of Mysterio's face. He was wearing a black hooded sweatshirt with his hood up hiding his identity.

Chris and Joey would not give up. They called in some friends to help. We called it Project Mysterio. Our goal was to find out what Mysterio was all about. We just wanted him to stop and talk to us 1 time. We began our mission.

About 6 or so people (I think they included; Me, Laura, Chris, Joey, April, and my sister Kim) waited at the top of the street for Mysterio. We set up trash cans across the road blocking the path where Mysterio made his u-turn and we waited. He came flying down the street at 12:30 just as Chris had described him. Hood up, windows down, hazard lights flashing, and at an impressive speeed. The trash cans did not even phase this man. He drove right through them, made his perfect u-turn, and sped off.

For months we tried different ways to stop Mysterio. Valentine's Day we bought him a giant heart box full of chocolates and included a card addressed to: Mysterio. That evening when he drove up the street we managed to throw it into one of his rolled down windows. He did not stop but it was our best achievement yet. Chris manufactured a line of Project Mysterio hoodies which we wore waiting for the masked man. A member of the press inquired about Project Mysterio. They were considering doing a news story on the event.

Tons of kids gathered nightly. We memorized the days and times he delivered the paper. This was the greatest thing to happen in our small town in a very long time.

One night, to our great disappointment, a car came quietly up the road and delivered a Wall Street Journal to the neighbors and puttered off. What was that!? It was not Mysterio! He had changed his route. We were devastated. It did not take us long to discover Mysterio's new route and we were back to our shenanigans in no time.

The last night (which I wasn't present for and I kick myself about it every day) Mysterio finally stopped! The car came to a halt. Mysterio steps outside his vehicle and takes down his hood revealing his identity. He was a small hispanic man. He asked why we kept bothering him? He seemed concerned, almost frightened. That is when we learned that Mysterio wasn't as Mysterious as we hoped.

We grew up, some of us got married, and some of us moved away... But the story of Mysterio never died. You can check it out on this site:

www.projectmysterio.com

The site includes merchandise, Mysterio encounters, and an online game where you can throw batacas at newspapers flying out of a speeding car window.

2nd part-y

I am currently sporting my Owl City onesie that my sister purchased for me as a birthday present. This is the photo of the onesie from the merchandise website:

As you can see... No photo of the back side was featured. Just a picture of the graphic. To my surprise (and actual delight) these wondrous feet pajamas have a butt flap. A trap door that velcros on the behind to make it easier to pee. Although occasionally it can be drafty and slightly awkward to wear around company.

Catch my drift!? hahaha

Ok here goes part 2 of my road trip across the U.S....

Our next stop was Roswell, NM. Roswell is famous for a supposed UFO crash in 1947. People come from all over the world to see the site of the crash and visit the UFO museum. Lindsay and I were far from impressed by the UFO museum... It consisted mostly of newspaper articles laminated and displayed on boards.

See??? Yikes! We did however find treasures in the nearby gift shops... My favorite was a bumper sticker with a picture of a UFO and it says: "Ship happens" hahaha Sooo good!

We drove through NM and spent the night just outside of Tucson, AZ.

The next morning we had a car incident. A piece of plastic from my undercarriage had split and was dragging on the ground. We were only 5 hours from home and we were determined to make it on schedule. I have an obsession with time management. A kind man at the gas station fixed us up with some duct tape and love. Thank you young man. I think you are awesome.

We stopped at a casino and played the nickel slot machines. I searched for "Antique Roadshow" which is Meagan's favorite game to no avail I might add. We settled on some fun looking machines. Lindsay put in $1 and came home with $7! I put in a $20 and left with $50. Big winners. Now I can pay to have my ferrari fixed...

Next stop... Cabazon, CA to see the dinosaurs featured in the Pee Wee's Big Adventure movie. I thought it would be a neat little place to walk the dog and take a pic or two. Little did I know... It was a mini dinosaur exhibit! They had mechanical dinos that would roar. You could climb up a bunch of stairs and actually look at the world through T-Rex's mouth. It was beyond fantastic! The biggest win of all was the gift shop. They had a robotic dinosaur that you could ride for $3. Obviously I couldn't pass up an opportunity like that!

I purchased Meagan's Christmas present in this gift shop. A little backpack full of clay so she could make her own dino and become part of the adventure.

We then reached our destination. Claremont, CA where I dropped off Sharky with Meagan. She baby sat him for several days. (Now that's a good woman!) I spent an hour or so at a bar shaped like a castle having some drinks with Lindsay and Meagan before heading to my parent's house. Fun times were had.

Road tryptophan

Happy New Year!

(Nice crop)

First off... Congrats to Meagan! Her band Chase Long Beach will be performing at Bamboozle Left AND some of the Warped Tour. Way to go, bff!

Second- We are no longer bicoastal bffs... We happen to reside not only the same coast but in the same state! It's a wonderful thing. I am now located in lovely San Francisco. So far I am discovering that San Francisco is a cleaner, safer, and better smelling version of New York City. Pretty stoked on it.

(I currently have a space heater pointed directly at my legs... I keep it on high until my legs start to feel like they are burning and begin to have red splotches... When it's on low it will occasionally make a soft humming sound. Sometimes that takes my dog Sharky by surprise and he jumps a mile... Ohhhh the entertainment!)

My road trip from Atlanta to the Bay Area was pretty glorious. I traveled with my buddy Lindsay... She spent Christmas with her family in Birmingham, AL, so I picked her up there...

From Bham we drove through Mississippi and then to Memphis, TN. We made a stop at Graceland to give our sore butts a break from the long ride (wait that sounds dirty...) and to see what the hype was about...

Graceland is on Elvis Presely blvd which is a longgg street full of graffitied ghettos and then BLAM... Smack in the middle is a mansion. It was not what I expected. Probably the funniest moment was when the shuttle took us to the front door

and we were greeted by a Graceland employee... He began to give us instructions and a brief history of GL before we entered. He beagn: "Welcome to Graceland. The home of Elvis as of..." he paused and chuckled. We just stared at him waiting for him to continue... He begins again, "The home of Elvis from 1957 to.... hehehe" Ummm what!?! This time we giggle too in effort to make him feel more comfortable. He continues, "Ok wait... This is Graceland. Elvis purchased it in 1957... The founder of umm..." You get the point. This went on for nearly 15 minutes. I am convinced the guy was under the influence of... something. They provided us with headsets so we could listen to an audio tour. When we pressed play it said "Welcome to Graceland. The home of Elvis Presley. Elvis purchased the property in 1957." Wait a second... So the guy outside told us exactly what was on the tape!? Looking back I'm not even sure if he was supposed to tell us anything more than, "Step to your right and press the play button on your headset." Pretty funny.

That night we drove through Arkansas and Kansas. The next morning we awoke to snow! We had planned to visit the childhood home of the music group Hanson the next day (yes, MMMBop). We did not expect the snow to be quite as bad as it was. It was a dangerous ride. A car almost crashed into us, my windshield was covered in ice, and we had to drive 10 miles an hour off the freeway. We arrive on the street that takes us up to the Hanson area. Halfway up we realized the car will not drive up the enormous hill:

But I am determined! We did not drive 2 hours out of the way (Tulsa, OK) to turn back when we are THAT close! So I parked the car on the side of the road and made Lindsay, Sharky, and myself walk a bit over a half a mile in snow to the house. Lindsay was in high heel black boots. She was slipping and sliding. Somehow we made it... We even snapped a couple photos before feeling entirely too creepy and raced back to the car. (Well I raced and Lindsay took baby steps. I warmed the car up for her. haha)

We then went to the site of the Oklahoma City Bombing (no funny stories to tell there... yikes).

Continued through Texas and New Mexico.

When we reached New Mexico we discovered a little town called Clovis. We were sick of driving for the day so we decided to get a hotel. We asked a woman working at a taco stand where we could go enjoy a drink. Well it was Sunday. They do not sell liquor in NM on Sundays. Not at the store or a bar! With two exceptions... Applebee's and Chili's. (and those closed at 10!). So we head to Chili's for a snack and a drink. Some men approached us at the bar and offered to buy us some shots:

We agreed. Turns out, an airforce base is located down the road... They bought us shots of Jager (I bet you guessed that by the photo)... One of the boys was shocked that I did not know how to "two step"... (some sort of country dance). So he began to teach me this sweet dance move... in the middle of Chili's. (He was in pajama pants and a t-shirt that read: Ra-tard.) It was pretty ridiculous. Then another one of the air force dudes got kicked out. It was last call and apparently he reached over the bar and tried to refill his own beer. After he was escorted outside he began knocking and pressing his face on the outside window trying to persuade us to come out side. It was still snowing. The night ended with me telling the third airforce guy, "May the airforce be with you". He replied "That's rude". Oh how I miss Clovis.

I'm sick of writing this... I will make a "part two" later...

Cougar Woods

My parents made this because they are weird. My grandma had an affair with Tiger Woods... Don't believe me!?

Love,

Molly

Slam dunk!

So I HAD to tell this story because I just laughed the hardest I have in a looong time...

I have this pal named Lindsay:

She is hilarious (obviously)... On Nov. 5 2009 she receives a text message from a # she does not recognize... She replies the usual, "Who is this?"... The mystery person (we will call him Dirk Gorin) responds with his name. Lindsay mentions this to her friend, Donny, and he decides to google the name and see what comes up. They find a match! There is a "Dirk Gorin" on several websites. He is a high school Basketball player who just got recruited to a big college team. Lindsay is curious if this is the same person...

She plays along and asked him if he was excited to go to that college. He said yes! Confirmation!!! Lindsay continues to chat with him without telling him he text the wrong number. She discovers that Dirk thinks Lindsay is his pal named Jordan (his college Basketball buddy). This is Jordan (aka Lindsay):

Lindsay speaks in slang and sends him a picture. She says something like, "Hey check out this shorty that's been on my shit lately" and she sends him a picture of ME!!! What!?! hahahaha

This is the photo:

Dirk is impressed and starts asking question about me and college chicks. hahahahahaha Lindsay continues this for over a month. For weeks Dirk thinks he is talking to his friend Jordan... Until tonight!!! Lindsay and I were watching a movie. Afterword she checks her phone and says, "Uh oh I have a voicemail from Dirk Gorin!" We play the voicemail (Wish I knew how to attach it). He says (totally confused) "Lindsay???..." and hangs up. HAHAHAHAHAHA

I really hope he figures it out and thinks: What!!? Some girl with an Alabama accent has been texting me this whole time? Sending me pictures of girls!?!

hahahahaha

Soooo good

I love Lindsay Logan!

My family is loco(motive)!

My family is weird... My Dad sent out a Christmas wish list. Check this shit out:

"Hi all,

The Birthday/Christmas Train is quickly approaching so I need to make my list of stuff I want. It would be a good idea to check with Mom first, to avoid duplicates. All Aboard:

(this is wear he lists all of the random things he wants. I edited that part out)

Well, I hear the conductor..."Ladies and gentlemen, in preparation for landing the captain has just turned on the fasten seat belt sign. Please place your tray tables and seat backs in the upright and locked position.."

Whoa! Wrong mode of transportation. Er, uh, no mixed metaphors allowed.

Thanks and love to all,

Dad, Papa, Trey"

Hahahahaha So strange... I decided to stick with the theme for my list:

"Choo choo! Mom wants me to make a list too so I figured I would hop on Dad's train so we are all on the same track...

(again the list has been removed)

The train is leaving the station... Time to hit the (rail)road.

Xoxo,
Molly"

Yeahhhh... Christmas should be interesting this year.