It is time I told you about Project Mysterio... Are you ready? I went to high school in one of the safest cities in the nation. It was a rather boring place to spend my rebellious teen years. One evening my pal Christopher Patterson told me an amazing story...
Chris's girlfriend (now wife), Laura, was dropping him off at his parent's house. They sat in their car chatting outside the house for a bit before Chris went inside. It was almost 1am. They were interrupted when a car came speeding up the residential street around 50mph with its hazard lights flashing and high beams lighting up the road. The speeding car made a quick u-turn, threw something out the passenger window, and sped off into the distance. Chris and Laura were alarmed. This was a quiet safe neighborhood... Who could that mysterious man be and what did he throw out the window!? Chris decided to investigate. He approached the item slowly. He burst out in laughter. It was a Wall Street Journal!
Chris and Laura experienced this same event a few more times the following week. Who was this crazed paper boy? Why was he speeding up the street in the middle of the night like a madman!?
A few months had past and Chris hadn't seen the paper boy. He had almost forgotten about his existence. Then it happened. Chris was outside late with his best friend Joey when a car came barreling down the road. Chris and Joey decided to follow this mysterious paper boy in their car to see what he was all about. They quickly lost him. Chris and Joey decided to experiment. What would happen if they changed up the paper boy's perfectly planned routine!? They had to know.
The next night Chris and Joey armed with foam batacas and masks decided to wait for the mysterious paper boy. They hoped he would stop for a brief moment so they could inquire as to why he drove the way he did and how he achieved such a level of mystery. Joey and Chris hid in the bushes awaiting Mysterio's arrival. Once the madman came charging up the street and did his u-turn the boys did shoulder rolls into the road and started waving the foam bats around erratically making noises. Mysterio did not stop. In fact he stepped on the gas and speed right for the boys. They jumped out of the way. Wondereding to themselves, Why did he not stop? Neither Chris nor Joey caught a glimpse of Mysterio's face. He was wearing a black hooded sweatshirt with his hood up hiding his identity.
Chris and Joey would not give up. They called in some friends to help. We called it Project Mysterio. Our goal was to find out what Mysterio was all about. We just wanted him to stop and talk to us 1 time. We began our mission.
About 6 or so people (I think they included; Me, Laura, Chris, Joey, April, and my sister Kim) waited at the top of the street for Mysterio. We set up trash cans across the road blocking the path where Mysterio made his u-turn and we waited. He came flying down the street at 12:30 just as Chris had described him. Hood up, windows down, hazard lights flashing, and at an impressive speeed. The trash cans did not even phase this man. He drove right through them, made his perfect u-turn, and sped off.
For months we tried different ways to stop Mysterio. Valentine's Day we bought him a giant heart box full of chocolates and included a card addressed to: Mysterio. That evening when he drove up the street we managed to throw it into one of his rolled down windows. He did not stop but it was our best achievement yet. Chris manufactured a line of Project Mysterio hoodies which we wore waiting for the masked man. A member of the press inquired about Project Mysterio. They were considering doing a news story on the event.
Tons of kids gathered nightly. We memorized the days and times he delivered the paper. This was the greatest thing to happen in our small town in a very long time.
One night, to our great disappointment, a car came quietly up the road and delivered a Wall Street Journal to the neighbors and puttered off. What was that!? It was not Mysterio! He had changed his route. We were devastated. It did not take us long to discover Mysterio's new route and we were back to our shenanigans in no time.
The last night (which I wasn't present for and I kick myself about it every day) Mysterio finally stopped! The car came to a halt. Mysterio steps outside his vehicle and takes down his hood revealing his identity. He was a small hispanic man. He asked why we kept bothering him? He seemed concerned, almost frightened. That is when we learned that Mysterio wasn't as Mysterious as we hoped.
We grew up, some of us got married, and some of us moved away... But the story of Mysterio never died. You can check it out on this site:
www.projectmysterio.com
The site includes merchandise, Mysterio encounters, and an online game where you can throw batacas at newspapers flying out of a speeding car window.
Paperboys are ninjas. True story.
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS AMAZING. You made a difference, Molly. You are damn amazing.
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