Tucson texts Long Beach

A completely normal text conversation between me and my sister:

Meagan: Tucson is hotter than bigfoot's balls.

Amanda: You would know

M: Only from reading your diaries

A: Which you actually ghost write for me

M: Based on your life story

A: Which I copied after seeing that documentary about you and bigfoot

M: Which I only acted in because I knew you were too shameful to go through that again

A: Which is the story we swore to always tell after you had bigfoot's baby and are keeping in your closet

M: Yes the child that you had asked me please please to be the surrogate mother for because you didn't want jon to know of the bigfoot affair

A: Right, the surrogate/affair situation we concocted and convinced you of through intense long-term hypnotherapy. Weird that you still remember his balls tho

M: You've created something so elaborate. Oh if only you hadn't done all that acid in the woods, when you met bigfoot, you'd remember the truth.

A: I do remember when you were eating all those shrums and running away with bigfoot you kept telling me I was "trippin" ... Sad, really

M: I only ate the shrooms to escape the last image I had of you taking bigfoot's hand and singing reunited with him

A: I can totally imagine you wanting to take the edge off your paranoid schizophrenic hallucinations that include visualizing yourself 3rd person, looking like me...

ten minutes later...

A: I have to study for my sociology final, bigfoot lover

Blogging Molly

First things first... I am in southern Ca and Meagan is not. That is a big ol' FAIL!

With that said... I drove down to see my family this weekend for my grandma's 86th birthday. My sister and her fiance (Leigh) are also in town. These are the weekend highlights:

Day 1: Kim, Leigh and I had some drinks while we waited for my folks to get home. We planned on creating a dance routine for my grandma's birthday (inspired by a Cosby Show episode) but we were sidetrack by this addictive urban twist on the electric slide called the cupid shuffle. My mom came home and we poured her some wine and taught her the cupid shuffle. Leigh video taped us while we embarrassed ourselves. Dad got home late from his softball game. When he arrived home we sat him down in the living room and proceeded to do a family dance for him (drink in hand). What!? This is not normal family behavior.

Things began to get a bit weird. Just as the alcohol began to impair our judgement, karaoke was mentioned. We discovered that the neighborhood mexican restaurant/bar had karaoke! We immediately headed over. The bar was filled with young drunk folks singing Kid Rock songs. Fast forward a few drinks later... my entire family was on the stage performing "Date Rape" by sublime. Really!? Yeah... it was crazy. Mom, Dad, Leigh, Kim, me, and some strange dude we met at the bar... all sharing the stage to sing the controversial song. (this was after my sister's future husband did a surprise performance of "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" by Rod Stewart). I was given a bouquet of flowers at the bar from a "secret admirer" who was supposed to reveal himself later... He never did. We used a rose to give to a lady that did an exceptionally good performances of a Scorpions song.

Day 2: Grandma decides she wants to go to the Indian Casino for her birthday. (Meagan, I looked for the antique roadshow slot to play for you... but I could not find one) The funniest part of the day was when Leigh, Kim and I decided to play blackjack. We selected a table that was empty. After we sit down, we noticed our blackjack dealer was CRYING!!! She was sniffling and wiping her eyes. Awkwarddddd. We didn't want to get up and leave because it would be rude. Leigh tried to cheer her up. When he would ask her a question, she would reply with a sad sniffle voice and pouty face. To make matters worse/awesome all three of us won money from her.

It is now day 3... Nothing crazy has happened yet but I still have another hour before I head home.

Miss you, Meagan!

Oh and I forgot to add that my sister invited Obama to her wedding... He cannot make it but he sent a card wishing them their best from him and Michelle.